


Bleached

by Ellstra



Series: Love on the workplace [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Brainwashing, Eating Disorders, M/M, Mind Manipulation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-26 07:13:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6228784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellstra/pseuds/Ellstra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snoke put an end to the relationship between Kylo Ren and Hux but he knows Kylo still loves his General. Kylo still doesn't obey and Hux is the reason. There is only one way this can end and Snoke would do whatever it takes to achieve his goals.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bleached

**Author's Note:**

> This is an alternative story to my other fic _This is how we rule the world_ but as always you don't have to read that one to understand this one.

Ever since Snoke sent Kylo away, Hux felt an omnipresent, underlying danger in everything he did. He supposed he was being supervised for any slip of his that could be used as an excuse to eliminate him. Even though he had not been the one accused of losing concentration and focus on his work, it had been pointed out to him quite clearly that he was the cause of the problem. He justified himself at least in front of himself because who else cared that he was innocent? It was funny, really, because amongst all the things he was guilty of and all the undeniable atrocities he had committed, he was punished for something he not only didn’t knowingly decide to do but also had no hope to prevent.

It wasn’t his fault that he and Kylo Ren were made for each other.

Hux, having been brought up in a strict militaristic family, didn’t believe in fate or soul mates of course. His life would be complete without Ren, just like it might be fulfilled with someone else. However, it was undeniable that Ren fit him like a matching piece of jigsaw puzzle, as cheesy as it sounded. Hux would be able to live without Kylo by his side – his life would even be much simpler – but he would never forget what it was like to have someone so utterly alien complement him so perfectly.

Hux could throw all that behind him. He could bury himself in his work like he had before and carry on being the youngest General in the First Order. At this point, he’d be happy to be allowed to do so but the more days had gone since Snoke’d sent Kylo away without a word of goodbye, the more paranoid he had grown. If he hadn’t been killed yet, it meant something grand was being prepared for him. That didn’t sound very uplifting. Not that he had much to do but continue his work, and continue his work he did.

…

Kylo was determined not to forget Hux or the feelings connected with him. He was determined not to give in to Snoke’s corruption and twisting because he believed he was strong enough.

He fell asleep with the image of Hux caressing his skin and kissing his wounds better after a rough day that left him bruised and bloodied. He consoled himself with whispering Hux’s pet name for him over and over after straining his mind in a particularly exhausting practise of wielding the dark side of the Force. He thought he was doing well, he thought he was so smart and so good at hiding it from Snoke. But arrogance had always been his weakness and of course Snoke knew it.

First of all, he needed Kylo himself to create fuel for twisting his mind. All the training Snoke put his apprentice through created anger and hatred within Kylo’s heart that was as easy to reap as daisies on a spring meadow. It was almost too trivial to poison Kylo’s memories with his own negativity; sometimes Snoke feared it wouldn’t work.

He had to be careful. If he overdid it with the hate, his whole delicate plan might crumble and leave Kylo uncontrollable and yearning to go back to Hux. Kylo couldn’t suddenly feel like he hated the General or he’d suspect something was amiss. If he hated Hux, why all the caresses, all the embraces, the hushed mumbles of endearment? No, Kylo had to fall out of love first and then get to the stage where he wouldn’t understand why he wanted Hux in his bed in the first place. The key was to make him confused, slightly disgusted and embarrassed. To accomplish the last thing, all there was to be done was to play on Kylo’s superiority complex. Not much, else he’d become dangerous, but just enough for him to feel like having sex with Hux was a terrible mistake not even being drunk would excuse.

Luckily for Snoke’s plan, Kylo had had wild mood swings ever since he could remember and there was no way he could detect Snoke distorting his mind among his own vortex of self-hate and bursts of self-confidence, spiced with fits of rage and periods of lethargy.

It was crucial to prevent Kylo from meeting Hux before his time. Snoke had known a long time before he took Kylo away what had been going on between his apprentice and the General, and he knew now that their feelings for each other were still burning bright and deep. He wasn't entirely sure how strong Hux's emotions were because he wasn’t connected with the General like he was with Kylo but it didn't matter all that much. Kylo was still in love with Hux, and that had to be got rid of.

Kylo knew about his mentor's intentions to break him and take away all the good, positive emotions until only rage, hatred and pain remained and he was truly and completely dark. It used to be the thing he'd wanted more than anything, to finally become a proper knight of the dark. (In those exact words. Kylo had no notion of how pathetic he sounded sometimes. Hux would laugh at those words.) It didn't seem like the dark side was the only option anymore, not since he could feel his power rising when the passion he put into something came from both parts love and pride. He was stronger with a bit of light and a bit of dark than he ever was with just one of them. Snoke was wrong, so wrong, and yet he kept telling Kylo what to do.

It was even easier than Snoke had anticipated. Kylo was headed to his self-destruction and all he needed on his way was keep his anger bottled up instead of letting it out. Snoke could arrange that.

Soon enough it started to wear Kylo out. Having gritted teeth and clenched fists all the time as a coping mechanism against smashing something with every single breath was effective in preventing bruised and bloodied knuckles but not relieving oneself of the fury. Kylo couldn't help but remember how calmer and more stable he was with Hux. He only half-tried to hide this particular thought from Snoke. He didn't truly believe he'd be magically allowed to go back to his lover - he couldn't really say what he was trying to accomplish. He was just desperate.

Reviving the feeling of Hux's arms around him in his mind wasn't satisfying at all and yet Kylo turned to it for comfort more and more often, holding onto it like onto a cliff above a chasm.

It took some time for Snoke to realise Kylo had put his obsession with Hux on a pedestal and used it to overcome his rage when it seemed unbearable. That called for a change of approach. If Snoke could connect all the rage and hate bubbling inside Kylo with Hux, he wouldn't have to do anything more. He decided to give Kylo a little push.

"You are distracted," he told his pupil one day. Kylo's eyes widened for a split of a second before defiance settled in them. _Just like I thought_ , Snoke nodded to himself contentedly.

"I have given up everything," Kylo replied without taking his eyes off Snoke. The way Kylo said it reflected his attitude to his tutor - his words suggested fear while his voice conveyed contempt.

"You are still holding onto your past," Snoke snapped coldly, "it's not a sacrifice if you still dream of it."

_Hux is not an it_ , Kylo ground his teeth together so hard his jaw hurt.

"You're being torn apart by your petty desires," Snoke's voice was now compassionate and understanding, "you have to let go. Free yourself. All the anger and pain you feel are holding you back. Is it worth this turmoil?"

_It used to be_ , Kylo thought. He held Snoke's gaze but he didn't speak. _It used to be before you took me away._

"You can't hope to achieve greatness if you're distracted. Your Grandfather had been the most powerful and he could have ruled the Galaxy. You know what caused his downfall."

_His superior who was afraid of him_ , Kylo thought without talking again. "His son," he said instead because that was true, though not the thing Snoke wanted him to say.

"His attachments," Snoke corrected him sternly.

"I will see you soon with a new assignment. Use the time to reflect upon your situation." Snoke couldn't tell how successfull his mission was yet, but Kylo biting his lower lip failed to conceal defiance and anger.

…

Kylo struggled against Snoke's words but they kept creeping into his mind, coming back in circles in his weakest moments. Whenever anger bubbled up in his chest and sent tears into his eyes, Kylo caught them and watched them hang down his fingers, too shy to fall. When Kylo couldn't fall asleep - which despite both physical and mental strain happened more and more often - he couldn't help wondering whether being completely hollow eased your soul and let you doze off. In those moments when insomnia got the better of him he almost gave up.

He couldn’t kick Hux out of his dreams though. He still came – sometimes compliant and lustful, other times furious, cold or violent. More often than not, Kylo woke up gasping for air and covered in sweat. All the tossing and turning left him even more irritable and sluggish than before.

When awake, he tried to let out as much anger and frustration as possible. His lightsaber didn't leave his hand and when meditating, his request for guidance with which he turned to Vader for guidance transformed into an almost fanatical feverish worship in which Kylo sometimes fell into a trance.

Snoke wasn’t coming and it had been weeks since Kylo had seen a living being. It was just him and his demons on a barren planet. There wasn’t much hope of him staying sane. Soon enough he stopped eating. All he had to nourish himself were the tubes with a paste that looked and tasted like a wet paper. Kylo never noticed he was eating it anyway and without anything pressing him to function like a proper human being, he often forgot to stop and eat.

It left marks of course. He was weaker and slower; he got breathless after exercises that used to require just a little bit of effort. His previously heavily muscled body got thinner until his spine and lower ribs showed. His face seemed even longer with his cheekbones prominent. But worst of all, the Force didn’t bend to his will like it used to. It burst out of him in in violent gushes – it still ran deep in him but he lost the strength to control it.

Snoke knew all that. His task was proving to be more difficult than he’d anticipated. It appeared he would have to truly shatter Kylo, quite literally let him fall to the very bottom before he would be able to raise his apprentice again. He was worried about how Kylo's power deteriorated but he pushed him further nonetheless.

At first Kylo hated himself. Hating himself was familiar to him and it lead to his rise to power the last time. Except this time, Snoke wasn’t coming to save him from self-destruction. At first Kylo used to wonder why his teacher wasn’t coming – to tell him off for losing his powers, to train him, to give him a purpose again. He was caught between lying on his cot curled into a ball and straining himself to the point where he felt like he was going to vomit and his head spun.

And all the time, the dreams didn’t stop coming. Hux was almost always pushy and demanding in them now, bossing Kylo around and showing off how strong he was. He had been slender, thin even but Kylo’s brain – with a little nudge of Snoke – turned him into a sturdily built superman glowing with health. Eventually Kylo submitted to the image Snoke was trying to create in his mind. He forgot Hux had always asked for permission or that he had always taken care of Kylo after sex. He didn’t remember the feeling of pleasant excitation when Hux was to take him on some planet where they stopped for supplies. All that was left was Hux taking advantage of his loneliness, Hux telling him to do things he wasn’t comfortable with but was too afraid to protest against in fear of being told to go if he didn’t like what Hux had in store for him. He remembered attachment based on unrequited love and ruthless emotional torture.

And Ren hated Hux with all his heart.

He had loved the selfish bastard, he had loved him so much and Hux just stomped on his heart and used his body. But that would end. Ren would have his revenge.

Before he had to come up with a way how to get off the planet on his own, Snoke finally came to get him. Ren greeted him with an indifferent expression, never reacting to Snoke’s ulterior glances.

“I want this torment to go away,” he announced, his voice deeper, duller than before.

“You know what it takes,” Snoke warned him. He had to do that, he couldn’t risk Ren standing face to face with Hux and failing.

“Yes,” Ren’s eyelids were purple and left his eyes half closed as if they were too heavy.

“And you’re prepared to kill him,” Snoke went on. The sight of Ren was truly unsettling. He was wondering whether he had made the right choice when he let it go this far. On the other hand though, it had taken this much and not a wee bit less for Ren to reject his feelings for Hux. Snoke wished he could have used the power of this bond for his own purposes.

“Yes.”

“You’re prepared to kill General Hux.”

“Yes. I am prepared to kill General Hux whom I have loved in an obsessive, unhealthy way and who had been using me for his own pleasure and amusement.” Ren hesitated a little before he went on. He could sense what he was going to say wasn’t completely true – but maybe if he said it out loud, he would believe it. “He had been hindering my training. I wish to kill him.”

…

“Kylo Ren’s shuttle has requested access to the dock, sir,” a Lieutenant asked Hux with a face that almost managed to conceal his nosiness. Hux hid his emotions better. He hadn’t been doing much else lately.

“Granted,” Hux nodded and took his leave. It wasn’t obligatory for him to meet Ren in the dock so he wasn’t going to do it. Whatever was to happen, it should happen in private.

Hux let the door of his quarters close behind him but he left it unlocked for Ren to come inside. He was trying to convince himself he was in control of the situation, of himself, of his raging emotions, but it was a lie. His hands trembled and he could hear his heart beating in his chest in the way his blood rushed. He tried to connect with Ren through the connection that had been between them but all he got was cold and detachment. He managed not to think of the implications.

He paced his quarters up and down, wondering what was taking Ren so long. When the door finally opened, he startled and jerked. He turned towards the door quickly and ungracefully. Ren had left the helmet somewhere else. That didn’t sound promising.

It took him one look into the dull, empty eyes he used to see glisten in pleasure and he knew his end had come. It took a second glance for him to notice that Ren was a mess. Gray, skinny, almost see-through. He looked like a ghost, like a nightmare from a past life.

“You came to kill me,” Hux said quietly, calmly. At least he could appear like he had control of himself. At least he wouldn’t die disgraced – or rather with as much dignity as he could after his former lover would kill him. He would almost bet he’d be the first General to be killed by a vengeful lover.

Ren could see the thoughts flashing behind Hux’s eyes. He was disgusted by it, by Hux, by his stupid eyes that still looked genuine and too green to be true. Ren couldn’t see the cruelty he had learnt to connect with Hux in them – intelligence, cunning, yes, but not cruelty. He told himself that was why he had fallen for the General – he seemed so genuine.

“Yes,” he replied simply because that was all he could offer Hux.

“Because it never meant anything to you and you were going to kill me right from the start,” Hux knew there were faults in his logic but he couldn’t care. He needed to see some response from Ren before he died.

“No,” Ren’s face remained stoic.

“No?”

“I loved you, but I was wrong,” Ren said simply as if it explained everything. Hux could see two things happening at the same time – Ren was still torn apart. He was steadfastly set on murdering Hux on spot but there were doubts under the surface too. Hux thought he should fight for his life, he should try to change Ren’s mind.

Except when he looked into the empty, cold eyes that were staring at him, he knew he had already lost. It wasn’t Ren who was standing in front of him – it was a nameless, faceless, mindless creature of Snoke’s. There was no trace of Ren’s temperament or passion and Hux didn’t have to be Force sensitive to know Ren couldn’t use the Force either anymore. As far as he could say, Ren was too far-gone, maybe dead already, replaced by this puppet that didn’t even look like him.

Hux wasn’t an idiot to want to die when his lover was gone. If he were, he would be dead already. If there were any chance of staying alive for him, he would have had Ren arrested and thrown into a prison cell. Hell, he might even fight Ren himself and win, judging by the state his adversary was in.

But Hux was dead already. If he somehow stopped Ren from killing him, Snoke would find another way to get him – most likely a lot more painful. And as wrong and fucked up as it sounded, if he were to choose in someone’s hands, they’d be Ren’s. At least he’d get to hold him one last time.

Hux had gone insane, he could see it clearly after the last thought. Why was he even thinking about such a thing? He didn’t want to die; he didn’t want to die in Ren’s hands anymore than in anyone else’s. He was terrified and pissed because what had he done? He was a genius, he worked harder than everyone else. Was this his reward? Death as a punishment for wanting one single thing for himself?

“If Ren ever comes back, tell him I said he was a reckless idiot,” Hux made a couple of steps until he stood at arm’s length from Ren.

“I am Kylo Ren,” the machine said and Hux chuckled nervously because if he didn’t, he might cry.

“You’re not,” he said and placed a hand on Ren’s hollow cheek. “I don’t know what you did to him but I hope he comes back and rips Snoke’s throat out for what you are.”

“You’re a traitor and I hate you,” Ren muttered and took Hux’s hand away from his face.

“Of course you do,” the General said sadly and looked away.

Hux was dead before he hit the ground. Ren couldn’t stand more dying noises, more last words or last looks – he had had enough of those with his father. He stood there over the corpse of the only person outside his family that he ever loved and he didn’t feel anything. The red of his lightsaber illuminated the dim quarters and hurt Ren’s eyes a little. He couldn’t look away though, the flow of the Force fascinated him more than back when he had seen it for the first time. He stretched his fingers towards it and brushed them against the blade.

Ren cried in pain and pulled away, suddenly alert. Three of his fingers were a little bit shorter. Hux was dead.

He had killed Hux.

Kylo fell to his knees, straddling Hux’s narrow hips. His lightsaber powered down and clattered away from him. It seemed like the loudest sound in the whole world. _I killed Hux_. He ran his unhurt fingers across the line of Hux’s lips. _I told him I hated him._ A pair of green eyes begged him for an explanation. He closed them but they kept staring at him. _I did hate him_. He ran his hand through fiery hair thick with gel.

_You do hate him._

Ren stood up again, straightened his robe and retrieved his lightsaber. He gave Hux one last glance. He felt wrong, so wrong. He hated Hux, of course he hated Hux. But at the same time he couldn’t quite understand why.

_Let go of your burdens now. You are free._

Ren turned around and walked away.


End file.
